I'm not sure how much I'm going to write here or how much it will even make sense, but I like to write my blogs when I'm in the experience. I feel it helps me write with the emotion the experience gives.
6-8 weeks ago I could feel it coming on, my memory was worse than normal, my ability to function doing small every day tasks became super hard and I had to concentrate very hard just to do them at all never mind that well. I was very easily irritated and frustrated. It felt similar to 3 years ago when I was signed off my day job with depression (now instead known to have been overwhelm) from trying to function at pace, and consistently well, in an neurotypical world.
I started a new job at my current place of work, a role that I'm enthused about and want to do well. Welcome back imposter syndrome and people pleasing (I'm pleased to say I'm way better at NOT people pleasing than I once was. It's is a work in progress).
I've suffered with imposter syndrome much of my life, mostly in my corporate career, although I've always felt different and not quite good enough right from very early school years. I'd put my hand up to answer a question then forget what I was going to say (therefore feeling stupid) and over time retreated to the back of the room and habitually didn't outwardly engage in discussions or answer questions for fear of repeating this negative experience. I'd get distracted or just be unable to concentrate and miss parts of what a teacher or lecturer was saying, then get asked a question and freeze as I didn't know what had been said. I try to study the information in a group or individual assignment and have to read it lots of times to digest what was being asked.
So couple a natural ability to; miss parts of conversations, not be able to recall information when needed and have lower brain processing speed, a new job was always going to be a challenge.
I take tons of notes as I can't recall what has been said, but then thereafter I can never make much sense of them. I'm constantly trying to learn more and work out who needs what from me, planning and organising is it's usual challenge and I'm trying to prove myself, that I'm good enough to be in the role. I'm also working as a coach, studying and doing my main job of mum - all of which I LOVE.
Us adhers like to have a lot on the go at once, it's how we get our dopamine fix. Doing the opposite leads to boredom and the potential to enter into depression. There's no happy medium, so we have to learn to look out for the burnout signs and take action to protect ourselves when these arise. No one is going to do that for us, as no one understands unless they're living the lived experience.
Booked time off work when I had no meetings planned, no clients or classes planned and Zac was at school. I very nearly added some of these things back into my day and felt uncomfortable pushing back on myself for this. Don't feel guilty taking time for you!! It's a need.
Shut off social media. I also love learning but by the time my time off came, I didn't want to engage in social media or learn anything. My brain just couldn't do it. Even linking in with friends was hard and challenging to mentally do (this was the proof in my pudding that things had gone too far).
Made sure I had nutritious food in. Feed the soul and body well.
Made a date with my beloved nature I ran, not far as I was tired but I ran and chatted to a squirrel or two.
Got Netflix recommendations I had a list of all different types of recommendations to watch so I didn't spend my time off scrolling and procrastinating. I ended up going for light, funny nonsense.
Made sure I had my next coaching session confirmed for myself - Mr Imposter Syndrome and Mrs People Pleaser need re-tamed and put back in their box.
It's amazing how even after a few hours of brain rest you can start to feel a bit stronger to take on the world again. I'm going to re-enter the world tomorrow at a gradual pace and keep checking in with myself between now and the Christmas holidays.