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Gaslighting can be intentional or unintentional.

In the majority of cases I've experienced gaslighting, it's been unintentional. However, and that however is BIG, this doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

The problem I've found is that people believe the stereotype and they believe it's negative. So they try to take (what they believe to be) this negative experience away from me. They believe they're helping when actually they're hurting. It comes from a good place but it doesn't help at all.

Being made to feel that my experience isn't true whilst simultaneously feeling dismissed hasn't been nice. I most recently experienced it this week, whereas before it was at the start of my adhd journey.

Comments included:

  • But you've a lot on your plate

  • Acht that's just a busy head

  • I get that sometimes, don't be too hard on yourself

  • That happens to us all

  • Do you not think you're setting to high standards for yourself?

  • But you do so well, it can't be that

It's a form of unintentional micro-aggression and in my case I feel I need to discuss it with those concerned either when it happens or soon after. This however fills me with a bit of fear as 1) I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, as I know they've not been intentionally nasty and 2) I also struggle with RSD and don't want to feel further rejected by another conversation.

I'm working through both points 1 and 2 and I'm way better at both than I used to be but they're still there and take up a lot of mental and emotional energy.

However, to make the world a better place for us and our children, this is a step I want to take. I'll let you know how it goes!!

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